In Memory
This week marks the 17th anniversary of my paternal grandfather's death. Our family has lost several members during January-February over the years.
Unlike my maternal grandfather, I don't have a lot of memories of my Pa-Paw. My parents divorced when I was still in diapers. I remember my sister and I visiting our grandparents when I was about 5 or 6 years old. It would be years before I saw them again. I don't blame anyone for this, since I can't recall asking to go see them. I honestly believe that if I had asked, I would have gotten to do so.
When I was 12, my Me-Maw was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a very big deal (as it still is today, but imagine being diagnosed 17-18 years ago). She was scheduled to have a masectomy in Birmingham. She wanted to see me (not that she hadn't always wanted to, but she feared the worst and wanted to see me before she went, if it was indeed her time). My mom took me to the hospital and I visited with both my grandparents.
That summer, my sister and I visited our grandparents for 4th of July. My next visit occurred over the next Christmas break. My Pa-Paw took me everywhere he went. And looking back...I am glad not only that he did but that I didn't complain. You see, chances are that you are not going to be the only kid at Me-Maw's and Pa-Paw's house during the holidays. All my cousins were there and we would be shooting pool or something. Pa-Paw would walk through and say "Michael, come with me." I don't recall ever fighting him about it or being upset about having to go while the other kids got to stay and play. I may have felt that way, but I honestly do not recall.
I am glad he took me with him. My other male cousins were older than me and had grown up around him. They had 15-16 years of memories of visiting and doing things with Pa-Paw, But for me it was like walking into a new family at age 12. So, while everyone else was there, he would take every opportunity to make time for me. I saw him preach his last sermon at a particular church. We went to the nursing home where he was a chaplain, as well as just going to the store. So, it was more about everyday kind of things. We never, for instance, spent the day fishing while he told me stories about himself or the kind of man I should try to be. I have to rely on what others tell me about him. But to this day, I have never met anyone who knew him who didn't tell me what a good man he was.
I had already planned to spend spring break with my grandparents, as I would continue to do with my grandmother over the years. I am probably one of the only people who have never spent a spring break at the beach (and I am not complaining). But, Pa-Paw wouldn't live to see that spring break. It was a February day in 1988. It was cold and starting to turn dark. I had gotten home from school and was watching a movie when we got the call.
Apparently, my Pa-Paw was having car trouble and was going to try to push his car by himself and his heart gave out. I won't lie, I do feel deprived of not getting to really know him. While I am his flesh and blood, strangers know more about him than I do. Well, I'll acknowledge that they were not strangers to him. They were his friends and/or members of his congregation.
My Me-Maw tells me that he would be proud of me. She says that he didn't have much of a formal education and would be thrilled to know that I have 2 college degrees and am a licensed attorney. He would be proud of all his grandchildren. All of us grandkids over the age of 21, have college degrees (sis has 2 as well), except one who went into the military which Pa-Paw would have been proud of as well.
While, I don't claim to be perfect (far from it), I do hope that when he looks down he sees the man he hoped I would become.
posted by Michael @ 9:26 AM
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