Chasing Windmills

Further Analysis of Women

It is a state holiday today, so I have time to write. Sorry about being sporadic lately, but work has been busy.

I received an email from a friend the other day and have been dwelling on it. She was shocked that as great a guy as I am I have never been kissed. Her email ended with a statement that she has a lot of great guy friends looking for great girls, and great girl friends who are in unhappy relationships.

I think we need to explore this topic. Women are unique creatures. I don't recall the quote by Churchill about a puzzle wrapped up in an enigma and so forth, but it applies to women. For all the headway made with empowerment and the woman's movement, women still have some outdated ideas of how to define themselves. One is that they are defined by being in a relationship, any relationship.

Nothing breaks my heart as much as seeing a woman in an unhappy relationship, knowing she is neglected and under-appreciated. You see this quite a bit, especially in the local college town. Ten years from now, he will be banging his secretary and she will be a raging alcoholic. But women do this to themselves. I have actually heard a woman say she'd rather be with someone she didn't love than to be alone. Guys (as much as we want love, and yes we do want more than just sex) on the other hand, would rather be alone than live a life with someone we don't love or someone we know doesn't love us.

But women stay in these relationships. They have no courage. No conviction to say I deserve better, and dammit I am going to find it. They are so afraid by letting go of this one without knowing 100% certain someone is waiting in the wings, they will wind up alone and maybe not be able to get the old one back, which also means they have no hope. Meanwhile, these great guys floating around are screwed because these great girls are involved with someone else.

Now there are some guys who defy conventional norms and will pursue the involved woman. He tries to convince the woman that love does exist and is waitng for her. That all she has to do is let go. This is the type of guy who will do whatever it takes even showing up at the church to voice his objections refusing to forever hold his peace. However, most guys will not rock the boat. They believe in the sanctity of the relationship, even an unhappy one. They are chivalrous and noble and wouldn't dare steal another man's women (and no I do mean to refer to women
as men's property) because they would not want to have that done to them. So, for the most part great guys are not going to pursue you, if you are not available. I am reminded of a line from Hitch. Kevin James character says something to the effect of how much it sucks knowing that the person you love is waking up next to someone else, someone who is totally wrong for her. And as much as it hurts, at the same time all you want is for her to be happy even if it is not with you.

Now for the great guys. Some are made, but most are born. It is usually an innate trait like intelligence, athleticism, or charisma, but it can occassionally be acquired. Being a great guy is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it is a heralded trait. It is glorified as the way to be. It is a curse because if it is self-attained or innate you are s.o.l. It is by virtue of being a great guy that you are alone. You see women don't want to find a great guy, they want to make a great guy. They have this need to be Dr. Phil. They need to fix something, their very own makeover pet project. They want to take the jobless loser who lives with his mom, and clean him up, teach him, and do whatever the hell else they do.

If you are already a great guy, there is nothing to fix. You most likely have a job, nice place, decent income, know how to cook, clean, dress, and which fork to use. Women don't know how to deal with that, they have been condition to be the teacher/caretaker. They lose their identity when they can't fulfill this role. They should learn to accept that they get to reap all the benefits of having a great guy without having to have put any work into it. Like DeGaulle riding into Paris claiming victory, without doing any of the fighting.

So in summation, we have a lot of unhappy people in this world. Unless, women start truly believing they deserve better and take that first step of liberation, they are not going to find their great guy. Instead they will "lead lives of quiet desperation" with the not-so-great guy they choose to stay with.

posted by Michael @ 10:46 AM