Chasing Windmills

An Epiphany

Are you smiling for the sake of courtesy
or do you want to get closer to me ?
I don't know if you are being polite
or if you want me to hold you tight.
I don't know the rules to this game
Should I bother asking your name ?

Do I dare to take a chance
or just be grateful for a glance ?
Should I reveal my heart's desire
or bury my feelings in the mire ?
Is your love mine to steal ?
How do I make my appeal ?



So, the other night I am sitting there in my pj's with a pint of Ben and Jerry's watching a Meg Ryan flick and dreading turning 30, and it hits me like a ton of bricks, I am such a girl sometimes. No, I am not gay. One look at my wardrobe will disspell that myth instantaneously. But Rosie is right, I "don't want to be in love. [I] want to be in love in a movie." This leads me on a deep journey of introspection.
The problem is in how men and women play the game. Each side holding fast to their perspectives declaring loud and proud that the other side is wrong. Meanwhile, both are on the opposites sides of the auditorium in a stalemate and no one is dancing. We play the game like poker, holding our cards close to our chest so afraid of showing our hand. We should treat the game like football. In football each team sends the other team game film, so they can see what they are facing and prepare a strategy on offense, defense, etc. Everbody is so concerned with defense, that few are playing offense anymore.
Case in point, I often hear women say they only attract jerks or creeps. Let's analyse that. If you are attracting them that means they are coming to you, being sucked in like the Falcon to Death Star. Jerks and creeps are playing offense. Why ? Because they could truly care less about you. They are just looking to get some. If you turn them down, they just go on to the next one. If you accept, they begin saying cha-ching and swing their elbow back a la Kirk Gibson hobbling around the bases in the '88 World Series, and thank God that they do not have to go home with that most colorful of anatomical conditions.
Nice guys, good guys, whatever you want to call them play defense. Why ? Because they have had their still beating hearts ripped from their chests and shown to them. It hurts them more because they actually care. They are looking for more than one night of ecstasy. Guys are at an extreme disadvantage. If another guy challenges our manhood or disrespects us, we can knock the s*** out of him or drink him under the table. But when a woman does this, all we can do is stand there and take it. It ain't fair, but that's life.
Both sides are so hypocritical. They do exactly what they accuse the other of. Case in point, women are always saying guys are shallow, don't judge her by her looks alone. OK, point taken. But I have never ever seen or a heard a girl say, "Oh, I bet he has a great personality. I want to go talk to him." It is usually more like, "check out that butt." So, ladies you do it too. Don't dare try and say you don't. I am not passing judgment, but merely saying let's cut the bs.
It's not always about looks. Social status can be a death sentence particularly to a southern guy. Nowhere is this more prevelant than at anyone of your major state schools of the former Confederacy. I will focus on the one that gave us the first family of college football.
I spent 3 years on this campus completing the arduous task that is law school. This rivals Hercules' labors, but I digress. Apparently, the women here have committed to memory the blueblood's guide to social climbing. If you ain't in it, forget it. I would have to cross sorority row approximately 4 times a day for these 3 years. Therefore, I can personally testify to this. Many times I would pass co-eds. As they approached I would smile (as any southern gent would do) but before my lips could form the shape to say hello, little miss thing would literally turn her nose up at me. Now that is just plain right rude. At my undergraduate alma mater, if you smiled and said "hi" or "good morning" to a young lady, she reciprocated.
Guys are hypocrites too, don't get me wrong. We complain about girls being with jerks who stand them up, cheat on them, forget their birthday, and abuse them emotionally and sometimes physically. But where our we, right there brushing back their hair, wiping their tears, and being their emotional tampon (Sam Kinnison, I know you are down there smiling up at us). Yet, we keep coming back for more. Here's another example, regarding...let's call her Mary. Mary and I got to be close. Probably one of the closest female friends I have ever had. But Mary, much like Scarlett O'hara had many, many suitors. However, she was either extremely naive or really that clueless. Anyway, she proceeds to tell me that one of the other guys didn't like it when she hung out with me and it upset her. Well, no s***. I didn't like her hanging out with him either, but I am not stupid enough to tell her that. There were many times when I was about to tell her stuff, but before I could (she must have been a mind reader) she would precede with something about what she wanted or didn't want etc. , therefore issuing the foreboding warning that I should bite my lip. But I stayed there holding out for a day that would never come.
I guess I am somewhat fortunate to have this mental stutter step that keeps me from making a total fool out of myself. I recall one time I was in a bar review lecture. There was this beautiful girl in the row behind me. After a couple of days, I summoned up the courage. I would talk to her at the next break. Carpe diem. With 10 minutes to the break, I hear her talking about her wedding dress. That was a close one.
So again, we are all hypocrites refusing to see the other side's point of view and, therefore, we keep playing defense. Until one of us decides to play offense, we will just be sitting here whining about each other.

posted by Michael @ 7:12 AM