Chasing Windmills

The Cosmic Joke That Is My Life

In Clarksdale, Mississippi, single white women over the age of 21 are as rare as multiple orgasms. Therefore, in order to see any, one must get out of Dodge.
My friends and I usually have dinner once a week or every other week. Of course, we do so for the comraderie and food, but we also check out women. At least I do anyway (capish Mrs. U). As a matter of fact, I was just reading an article that stated the main reason people go out is to check out the opposite sex. However, my friends and are royally screwed when it comes to the food service industry.
Here we are in a college town. The resteraunt is full of cute co-eds. Are we lucky enough to be waited on by one of them ? Nooooooooooooooooooooo. We get a waitER, again. We could go to Hooter's and wind up with the only waitER in the place. The odds of us getting a cute waitress are in the neighborhood of "3720 to 1". Usually, the waitER looks like a cast member from Queer Eye (not that I actually watch that show). Of course, we realize that the cute waitress is only flirting to increase her tip, but it is a nice charade...and it works.
The irony is that the very next day I have lunch with my parents. And what happens ? You guessed it. We are waited on by this gorgeous creature with that most mesmerizing of assets...a southern accent. An accent so lyrical and intoxicating it rivals the song of the Sirens that tormented Odysseus. Futhermore, she is just as sweet as a Georgia peach. But of course, what can I do with mom and dad sitting across the table ? I can see it now, mom inviting her to sit down and look at my au naturale baby pictures before we even have our first date. Or on the other end of the spectrum, mom and dad have first row seats as their baby boy crashes and burns.
To top it all off, as usual our waitress doesn't bring us our food. It is brought out by someone else...co-incidenlty someone I had gone out on more of a semi-date kind of thing about a year and a half ago while I still lived in Tupelo. Thousands of people in Tupelo and I run into the only one I went out with. She actually remembers me and starts up with idle chit chat. "How are you ?" "Do you still work at such and such ?" Mom and dad are still across the table mind you. I remember her, but I am not 100% sure of her name (and God have mercy on me if I introduced her by the wrong name, so I don't). I am only glad mom didn't inquire about the matter. Lord knows my sister would have. I have to laugh about the matter in order to keep from crying.
All this reminds me of one of my favorite Al Bundy quotes,"So, this God person, what do you think SHE looks like ?"

posted by Michael @ 5:10 PM